i miss him until now..

hai korunk..bg yg jd follower aku..aku ucap thanx a lot..blog aku x la secomel blog korunk..but still thanx coz sudi jd follower aku..aku ader bnyk story nk letk..tp ader story yg aku rase better aku share ngn dri aku sdri jew..tp yg nie..aku nk luah kn..coz aku berharap andai llk tu terbace blog nie or sesape yg ade talian drh ngn dye yg terbace blog nie bleh sampai kn pd dye yg aku rindu sgt kt dye..llk tu ku panggil arin..aku syg dye smpi skarang..walaupn da bthn lame kitorg ptus..aku akui..kesalahan aku sbb buat dye terluka..
hari demi hari aku teringat kt dye..makin aku nka lupakan dye makin aku syg pda dye..ssh untuk hati aku buang gamabaran wajah dye dari pandangan mata hati aku..aku maasih egt setiap tingkah laku dye sewaktu kitorg jmpe..aku masih egt hadiah yg aku bagi pd dye..aku masih egt kenyitan mate dye sewaktu dye pujuk aku..aku masih egt kitorg tgk citer sifu dan tongga bersame..makan kt kedai mamak...naek bas cabok..aku x kesah sume tu..tp aku x pasti samada dye selesa atau x..aku egt lagi waktu kitorrg nk alek..cume ader kitorg berdua je dlm bas tu drpd bandr smpi ke satu kawasan tmn perumahan bru ader org ramai..
kenagn tu semua sgt manis buat aku..walaupn dye x seberape..tp kasih syg dye buat aku masih aku rase smpi skarang..setiap detik aku berharap dye akan pulang pda aku..namun ade kalanya aku rase aku x nk dye kembali sbb aku takut dye akan menyesal biler dye kembali pd aku..aku kini x seperti aku yg dulu..aku kini bnyk kekurangn ny..
buat arin andai ny awak terbace ruang nie..sy nk awak tawu yg sy syg awk sgt2..walaupn hubungn kite da lame berakhir..sy nak awak tawu..sy masih mengharap kn awak d sisi sy..sy nk awk tawu..x ade seorg un yg dpt gantikn awk dalam hati sy..sy syg sgt kt awak..sy harap awk masih simpan tabung pasir yg sy bg pd awk..itu tanda syg sy buat awk..meski pn tabung tu harge ny x seberape..tp sy ikhlas..sbb awk la satu2 ny llk yg sy beri hadiah krn kasih cnte sy..dan awk juga la llk pertama dan satu2 ny llk yg kekal dlm hati sy..wajah aawk..kenagan kite..snyuman awk..semua ny tntang awk..x kn dpt sy lupe..sy rindu kn awk sesangat sgt ny..

its getting sucks..

days keep moving as my life keeps changing..what do i need in my life these days is just to find a partner..but things make me feel that its useless..i would never find one..so i planned to just moving through the flow of my life..it will be better than being worse..i've been having a worse day a few weeks ago..since that moment i'm getting believe that no body could be trusted in this world now a days..everyone lying for their good..it would one in a million people that is not lying..and its hard to find one..as me myself..it would be serves me right to what i have done..everything's paid..well i receive what good and bad..i'm planning to change myself to be good..its hard..but i believe that i can do it..it is a bit of jealousy when seeing my friends are married and live happily with their loved one..but it turns out the other way when it comes to me..every thing was worse..nothing sweet..as sweet as the moment when i was with him..but he is gone now..not in my life anymore..i still miss him and wanting him..but it would just a dream..i wont forget him..but i will forget every guys that exist just to ruin my life..and every guy that exist and brings nothing to me..sure is boredom..but this is my life now a days..a loner..i am a PERFECT LONER..that is me..a real PERFECTLONER..

I FEEL PEACE.. BUT IN THE OTHER SIDE I FEEL....

Sebenarnya sekarang nie aku rase lebih tenang... tp sisi yang satu nya lagi..aku rase mcm... entah lah..aku sendiri x tawu ap yang aku fikir.. otak aku x serabut.. tp aku kerap memikir kan sesuatu yang bemain di fikiran.. aku x tawu bayangan siapa.. yang pasti aku bahagia bile aku memikirkan dye.. dye muncul dlm mmpi aku.. aku dapat rase kan kasih syg drpd dye.. andai nya dye betol2 wujud dlm kehidupan aku..siapa agak nye gerangan diri nya itu.... kemunculannya dalam setiap mmpiku di penuhi dgn perasaan kasih syg dan cinta.. aku merase yang aku btol2 syg kn dye sepanjang dlm mmpi tu.. namun perasaan tu masih lg ada dlm hati aku nie.. rase kecewa biler semua tu hanya mmpi belake.. tibe2 aku rndu kn ksh syg dye.. ksh syg yg aku cari... dye mampu mengubah ku hanya dengan kesabarannya.. aku cukup kagum malah mungkin aku gile kerana berkasih dgn bayangan mmpi ku..
aku x tawu ap yang aku fikir... tp alangkah indah nya kalau dye btol2 wujud..hidup aku jd lbh terurus.. aku jd lbh tenang kerana dye merupakan pengganti arin buat diriku... arin adalah orang yang paling aku syg dlm hidup aku.. hati aku remuk bile aku x dapat berhubung dgn arin lg.. hati aku kecewa.. setiap waktu aku memikirkan dye.. malah sehingga sekarang aku masih memikirkan dye..aku x menyalah kan dye kerana aku hancur begini.. malah aku menyalah diriku kerana aku x dpt mengawal diriku.. aku begitu syg kn dye sehingga aku begitu sakit hati bile dye tinggal kn aku begini.. hanya kerana alasan itu aku menghancur diriku atas kekecewaanku sdri.. YA ALLAH..sesungguhnya kau maha mendengar..hati ku masih lagi dimiliki oleh arin..si dye yang bertakhta dalam hatiku..masih menjadi raja.. ARIN.. AIN MASIH SAYANGKAN ARIN..AIN SAYANGKAN ARIN SAMPAI SEKARANG...

i've been bored and easily get mad..

sejak akhir2 nie aku rase sgt bosan dan asyik nak meletop je..mcm2 dlm pale otak aku nie..mcm2 adegan aku tgk tiap hari..mcm2 perasaan berkocak dlm ati aku..pengubat aku skang nie cume lagu je..aku rase sgt rndu kn tmpt lahir aku...kt situ la kwn2 baek aku..kt sinie aku lbh bnyk sorg dri..merempat mengharap kn perhatian dn perasaan kwn dr org laen..tp msg2 aku x taw berfikiran ap..terkadang aku rase serba salah..tp aku lbh bnyk wt kepala aku sdri..da x der sape yg nk layan aku..sombong sgt ke kerek sgt ke muke aku nie??smpi kn org pndng serog pd aku..selalu aku befikir,maybe sbb bd aku yg mcm nie x der org nk kwn ngn aku..tp sume tu aku bia kn je..ader jugak yg bdn besar tp ramai kwn..sume org syg kt dye..sume org rapat ngn dye..aku tiap kali aku nk rapat ngn seseowg msti x kn bertn lame..msti je renggang..ader x der mmbe aku kt johor..ss giler aku nk wt kwn kt snie...aku tawu aku x sebagus mane..x bagus pun aku nie smpi kn org nk berkwn rapat ngn aku..mmg sgt mustahil utk aku berkwn rapat smpi berkongsi rahsia n selalu happpy dgn gelak ketawa..aku sedar aku x setanding dgn diowg..diowg jaoh lbh baek drpd aku...aku terkdg rase aku nie x matang..malah aku rase diowg lg matang drpd...bnyk bende bile aku suare kn selalu salah..bnyk bnde yg aku wt dgr drpd kate diowg..smpi kesudahannya aku bosan dgn tingkah laku aku sdri..aku bia je arus hidup aku berlalu mcm tu je...aku nak berubah jd lebih baek..tp aku x taw mcm mane nk mulekn..stiap org yg aku harap kn utk membimbing jd same je nk menghancrkn ku..x satu pn yg ikhlas..aku rase seolah aku nie x layak utk di sayangi...biar je la..sume tu berlalu dgn arus mase..aku x larat nk rancang kehidupan aku...aku x sanggp kecewe bile rancangan aku gagal..aku rse...lebih baek aku jd mcm nie terus smpi biler2...semoga hati aku tetap dan cekal utk terus kn kehidupan aku nie dgn bersdrian..hanya keluarga yg menemani..demi ALLAH aku terima andai satu hari nnti ade yg menemani dan aku juga akan terima andai takdirku adalah untuk terus hidup sendiri hingga ALLAH mencabut nyawaku..

its about how she feel..

        she was about 15 years old when she knew him.she is someone that i knew until now i still know that she still have feeling for him.she have a best friend that she knew since she was in form 1.they were always together until one moment, she have been asked by her classmate to find a boyfriend otherwise she would be labeled as a lesbian just because she never had a boyfriend since she was in form 1.from that day she met her best friend which was in form 4 that moment.her friend gave her a number of  a boy .that was for the first time she would be friend with a boy.so she started to know him and bit by a bit he is moving a little bit far to the relationship.without being known by herself she got attracted to him.it is such an accident.she never thought that she would have a feeling to him just by the phone.it is such a ridiculous thing that she had ever thought.one day she was being sked by that guy either she wants to be his girlfriend or not.without thinking further and by just thinking about her feeling she randomly accept his propose.since that day she was declare themselves as a couple of lover.
       5 years moving without being reallized.they was having all the sweet and sour moment just by the phone.they were having a romantic moment and they were fighting.they also have been break and continue their relationship for few times.until one day,she was being told that she fell in love with a man that her friend used to love.suddenly she remember the time that she and her friend had together.they were sharing all the stories.she was told that the guy that her best friend gave was a brother of her boyfriend.so s he accepted him without expect anything from him.once she was calling him and he gave a picture of him,her best friend was just beside her.her best friend was listened to everything he said without he being realised that his saying was being heard by her best friend.after the phone her best friend was said that his voice and face was definitely same with his boyfriend.that was the time that she never believe it and thought maybe its just an incident to met a same person.until her best friend says that her boyfriend and a guy that her best friend used to love was a same person she felt so broken.her heart was damage.she was crying and tears always being her friend from that day.she was asked that guy whether its true or not.then he was said that he thought she was his friend and a sister to him.her heart was getting ruined.she was just cant believe what she was heard.she never thought that she would be hurt like that.she kept all her feelings towards him for 5 years thinking that he would love her in return.
       it was hard for her to forget him.it is really hard for her to let him get out of her life.even though she is now some where and busy with her student life.her heart always filled with love for him.she were really cant accepted the reality that she was being used by him to get her best friends attention.until now,she love but she hate him.she miss him but she cant forgive him.her heart and mind always about him.she never deeply fell in love like she used to love him.every sweet little thing that she dream of was ruined by him.thank you rizal for everything you've done.thanks for hurting.